The beauty of thinking you're over something is realizing that you're not over it at all, its just been taking a nap and not affecting you heavily enough to think about it.
Remember that unrequited crush from the beginning of the year? I thought I was mostly over it by Valentines. Telling people about it felt like getting out of my system. It was chill, it was great, life went on, I felt at peace about it.
Now I get to understand why talking about height is considered a form of flirting.
It wasn't even flirting! I know its not flirting! I'm just pathetic about it! This is horrible! I was fighting to make sure my face wasn't doing anything insane that whole time. Jesus fucking christ. How do people go through this regularly. One time is enough for my life please and thank you.
For context, that friend I've unfortunately got a crush on has somewhat recently broken through to the next level of comfort in our friendship: Teasing.
And its weird because its not like we haven't been dicks to each other for fun--its part of our regular banter--but I feel like there's a new energy to it now. Again, reached the next level of comfort, so a new level of bullying between friends.
This is bad for my heart.
Honestly I'm glad our friendship has pretty much been unaffected by my conundrum. I've been doing good to keep that shit under wraps because honestly there's not really anywhere for it to go. It's not productive to let it affect the friendship because then I just lose a friend, and that would suck.
My conundrum has not been unaffected by our increasing friendship, but its fineeeeeee. We see eachother on the regular, like 2-3 times a week on the regular. Even at the height of me processing this godforsaken crush that did not change. My horrible betrayer heart in times of weakness will replay moments from the last few weeks in a rose tint. The pink is not to be trusted. The pink can never be trusted.
My saving grace is that spring finally seems to be arriving. Days are starting to feel a smidge longer, and the weather seems to be sticking around 0 degrees for the most part. It's wonderful. Soon it'll be warm enough to go out to clubs without freezing my ass off for looking cute. When the ice melts, a hoe comes out. And that hoe will be me. (ignore that the hoe has no experience and is socially awkward about getting to the hoe part. It's the spirit of the phrase that matters).