Crush? More Like Crushing It. And By It I Mean- (HEAD RAT YOU WERE RIGHT)

So uh. I have a girlfriend now. Holy shit I have a girlfriend now. Oh Fuck. Oh Fuck. 

Before we go into it I'd like to thank my best friend in believing in me (and taking credit for the whole thing), the entirety of my household who's been listening to me crash out, everyone who was at my end of sem drinking party yesterday giving me advice, and of course, my crush who started being forward which gave me enough confidence to actually just confess. 

I don't wanna go into the fully gritty details because honestly, I kind of want to keep some of that for myself. But long story short after a whole day of texting during the deadest shift of my short work-study career, a party that left me a little drunk and a whole lot tired, and a conversation with her that was a little bit flirty, that got me the confidence to send a pretty forward text before passing out that led into a pretty forward conversation the next morning (today).

And now I have a girlfriend. (HOLY FUCK)

We had a pretty long conversation about wants, boundaries, all that good stuff. Turns out she's had a crush on me since around the beginning of the year, and has probably been flirting with me since mid march. Only been conscious of herself flirting for like the last couple days though. Which. Oh Stars. This woman was sent from hell to torture me I think. 

AND SHES NOW ACTIVELY TORTURING ME. FOR FUN! I HAVE AN ESSAY TO FINISH BY TOMORROW. (I say this very affectionately but Stars I'm learning why people can't focus when they like someone and all that. My roommates all say I'm quite warm and I think its because I've spent most of this day blushing with my heart beating out of my chest. So glad I don't visibly blush.) 

I also gave her my blog to read so she's caught up on the length of my suffering. She likes my writing which is nice. She also evidently really likes me, which is really nice. She finds what I think is one of my saddest crush writings to be her favourite, which I guess I won't argue if shes the one compliment it. 

Am I terrified of everything because I'm completely out of my depth? Yes. Am I gonna let myself be happy despite that? Also yes. Because love is beautiful and should be enjoyed, or whatever that voice that sounds like my best friend is telling me in my head.  

Anyways. Party I threw yesterday went really successfully. I'm carrying my tradition from the end of last semester of hosting a Day-Drinking party with people from my major. It's day drinking because the first time we were doing it right after the end of our last class which ended around noon or afternoon and a lot of my friends are commuters who had to have enough time to get home. So day-drinking! Despite being a sad drunk who was using my crush situation as entertainment for my friends (who doesn't love trying to fix the love life of a drunk girl), it was overall a really good time. I really love getting to hang with these people a final time before summer. They're also remarkably well behaved, even when really intoxicated, which is greatly appreciated. 

Now I've got that essay to finish. For Friday. Oh man. I'm making progress at least. 

Would also be nice if my meds weren't somehow kicking my ass more, but I guess you can't have everything.  

 

I am a God of Self Control.  I am a God of Self Control. I am a God of Self Control.