The Spring is For Winning

 I'M FEELING OPTIMISTIC ABOUT LIFE

Quick recap of the last couple days: 
- saw Project Hail Mary with most of my roomies. ITS SO GOOD HOLY SHIT.
- spent a Lot of quality time with my girlfrienddd. got at least 3 dates planned out to happen for the summer
- I did not get that essay done on time because my gf is a minx. Got it in on saturday though! Shout out the gf for doing citations for me because I was actively having a panic attack 
- Made sure the gf was alive for her first truly drunk experience. It was very fun night even if we didn't actually end up spending time at the bar we were planning to. she now understands the joy of drunk food
- made pasta together too! it was really nice to make food with someone else 
- yesterday went out for thai food with a few roomies because the cool roomie wanted to celebrate thai new year in a small way. It was so good holy shit. 
- also yesterday found out one of my roommates had a crush on me and her and another very much found me attractive and were bonding over it? their words not mine. I'm flattered, I think? I thought finding out these things would be a bigger feeling but honestly after spending 3 straight days with my gf I feel like I just can't be flustered by other people anymore. Or I just havent processed it yet. I think thats the case

Generally I'm feeling pretty good. Its weird to feel bored again with my classes being over, but I'm trying to harness it because it feels pretty different from the end of last year. The summer was a very big question mark of what to do, and now I feel like I've got so many things to do, and so many things I want to do over the summer.  

I think a big part of that is just being on antidepressants this time around. It is actually crazy how much better I just feel about life now. Is my anxiety kind of worse? Yes, yes it is. But it genuinely is like the world has color again. I actually want and crave doing things. I feel neutral to good about my body. I'm craving food like I used to again. It feels insane. 

I also think I'm currently between hyperfixations. My fall out boy has faded from a front of mind hyperfixation to a Solid Interest of mine. Which means I'm just waiting for the next big thing to happen. Not much I can do about it in the meantime, so I guess I just have to continue my hobbies or something. 

I don't know what the future holds but I'm feeling pretty good about it going forwards.