Unfortunately this is not a list of other phrases I made up, though there have been many over time. We'll loop back around to my favourite metaphor that I've used later.
In the meantime, general updates. Life is alright. Right now the brain is weird. I'm typing this out because I feel like I haven't been able to properly focus on anything for the last couple of hours. Which is unfortunate because I have many a thing to clean up and the energy to do that feels like its running away from me.
I had a trial bass lesson on monday, and I'm thinking I'm gonna continue with lessons but I kind of have to justify continuing with lessons first because of moneyyyy. Had a scare of my roommate being missing mid-week-- its fine, her phone was just making her unable to contact anyone in any way for an entire day which combined with an unfortunate coincidence of events made for an incredibly stressful situation. My best friend went through the ringer this week ending a relationship and I was there for the whole journey.
My girlfriend visited today and it was really nice. We made matching bracelets for our one month anniversary and watched Mean Girls together. It was technically my first time watching Mean Girls in its entirety and it was so fun. I love an insane 2000s teen movie.
I'm currently avoiding putting together an application for a thing I was excited to apply for because it involves putting together an application. And my portfolio. And looking at my past work. All things my brain is really not inclined towards and would rather avoid at all costs. Which isn't fun when I want to do those things.
I kind of had a moment recently realizing that I'm not as good of a designer as I thought I was. Now before you immediately rebuke, let me explain. I'm pretty okay all things considered, and I'd say my work is solid. However, I think internally for the last while I've been holding my work up way higher than it deserves to be. Like delusionally higher. And having to look at my work again kind of snapped me out of it because coming back to my design work I just feel bored. Like really bored. I've been pushing towards minimalism and for what? Its fine, its alright, its effective for what it needs to be, but I'm just unsatisfied looking at it. I'm not the best of the best in my year and that's okay, but Stars I need to find the motivation in me to try to push towards anything.
I don't design in my free time, and I need to change that, both for the sake of my future career but also just because I need to get into the habit. As much as I'm unsure if I want to really keep pursuing design despite enjoying the process for the most part, I don't want to be failing in what I'm currently doing.
I think I'm just anxious. And I'm not sure if its me or the meds. Stars I hope its the meds.
My favourite metaphor that I've made is one I was using when I was explaining creativity to a friend in the 7th grade.
"Everyone's got a well of creativity, just different sized buckets to dip into it with. Some people have giant buckets, they can dip into it and have endless ideas. Some people have only cups and they have to work harder to get as much out of the well. Though no matter how big the size of your pail, sometimes the well will dry up. That's what art block feels like."
I think I'm waiting for rain to come. But the rain won't come if I keep staring at the clouds.
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