Haircut tomorrow! However, haircut at noon, with a commute of an 1h 30mins, which means I have to get up at 10 to make this happen. Me from 2 weeks ago found this to be an entirely feasible thing. Me today is dreading this. Getting myself to go to my 10am shift was a struggle today. I walk 10 minutes to get to my shift. I do not want to flake on this haircut. I'm so lucky to have an incredibly lax student job.
Honestly this is the first time in my life where I've really felt the effects of what is very much most likely depression without attempting to push through it anyways. I don't have the energy to push through it anyways. I feel like I'm masking it to some degree but I also think that's just how it presents in me. I feel spacier. It feels like my focus falls of like syrup poured on a slope. My heads blank for once, but its kind of just floaty. I feel like I'm trying to actively tether myself to reality. I'm probably skipping my lecture and tutorial tonight. Even if my shift is effectively just sitting around for 4 hours, I feel like its taken so much out of me. I already felt that by the end of the first hour. I can't fathom doing more human interaction.
As I'm writing this, I've only got an hour left of my shift. I can push through.
Good things that have happened:
- We've set up a bit of a music corner in my Jolly (rental) house. We're renting a drum kit from L&M for my cool roommate to pick drums back up. For 2 days of practice in, shes doing great. We had a bit of a jam going last night which was a blast. It was my first time getting to play with a drummer and my Stars that helps so much with having to play off beats.
- Found a guy on marketplace selling cheap christmas lights that we're planning on putting in that music corner. $10 for 15 meters of christmas lights. I'm so excited to see how this turns out
- Retail therapy doesn't solve everything but I've found another CD to add to my Fall Out Boy collection. I will take this win with both hands
- I now have a doctors appointment to talk to my family doctor. It's in the first week of march, which feels evil, but I'll take the reason to live for another month
- My roommates are lovely and cool. My friends are great and caring. I love them all dearly
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