I write this as I wait for my chicken nuggets to come out of the airfryer. I'm trying to be really mindful about how much I let myself drink since I feel the pull towards the giant bottle of vodka in the communal fridge more often than not these days. Should I be a little concerned about that impulse? Probably, but that's why we've got rules in place for myself. I can only drink on fridays, or if I'm going out, which I'm rare to do.
The rules for today are that I had to eat first and send the email I've been putting off sending since tuesday--because it ended up in the loop of "well now it feels like its been too long since I said I'd send an email so I just shouldn't send it". Which is Stupid--before I let myself drink anything.
My chicken nuggets are done!
My brain still feels kinda slushy these days. A friend pointed out recently that I'm pretty likely to have autism, redid all the tests, realized a couple things about myself. And it's not really done much to tilt my world, but its made a lot of things make just a little more sense. Doesn't really solve any of my problems. But yeah. Focusing on school has been hard. Not letting myself get overwhelmed has been really hard.
The worst part about asking for help is that you have to ask for help and supposedly know what you're asking for. Turns out, you actually don't, you can just ask for help and say things are bad. At least asking is more important and helpful because that means they know you're struggling. Which is better than them not.
I think my chicken nuggets should be cooled by now. I have a feeling they're going to burn me anyways.
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