Big fan of using a facebook marketplace pickup as an excuse to try a new public transit route. Got to go on the new Eglinton line yesterday. I keep wanting to call it a subway line, but its actually an LRT. I assume it goes above ground at some section, but the route I went I kept me underground. Which I gotta admit is kinda disorienting.
LRTs are designed to be above ground- they've got these giant windows to make for comfortable a pleasant viewing of the outside world, on account of the fact that they're slower than a subway which means you can actually take a look outside. Being in one of those cars in pure tunnel darkness kinda felt like one of those analogue horror games.
Trip went well though! Got my fun item- a bag for holding a CD player with a separate compartment with CD sleeves. It's also got the cutest detail of the zippers being little guitars. I'm taking it for a test run on my shift, and I do quite love this thing. Ended up having a whole conversation with the buyer too- almost forgot to pay her that's how wrapped up we were- about our CD collections, why she was selling it, etc etc. She ended up sending me a photo of her CD collection afterwards too because I was asking. Big fan of when I get a full human interaction out of a marketplace meetup.
That night I went with some of my roommates + one friend to see Nirvanna the Band the Show the Movie. Amazing, hilarious movie, 10/10. Movies with this kind of humor tend to kind of stress me out, but even despite that it was a blast to watch. Also really fun because the whole thing is set in Toronto so it was familiar in ways that movies don't tend to be for me. Found out once the movie ended that it was based on the webshow of a similar name and my friends/roomies were watching it before they got there and no one told me :(. Probably won't be watching it alone myself, but even without knowing that the movie is a blast.
What wasn't a blast was my oddly evil experience going home. I don't really know what started it but on the way back I was getting really in my head and overly anxious. Which sucked, especially because it felt like it was kind of coming out of nowhere. I'd had a pretty solid day up until that point. On the final stretch back to the rental house I was practically booking it ahead of everyone just so I could have time without everyone else to settle. Scrambled like a man possessed to get my coat off and get my stuff to my room before they reached the door. Body felt evil, and ended up laying down while listening to Tragic Kingdom by No Doubt so I wouldn't consider laying on the snow filled patio without clothes on. Weird time. Great album though. On relisten today I can say I enjoy it thoroughly.
Today's been a chill time. I feel like I'm making good leeway on getting back on track on working on projects again. It's nice. The wrench is that getting confirmation of the collateral damage of me Doing Bad for the last month and a bit. The collateral damage in question being two friends of mine getting distant because they were getting bad vibes from me towards them. Which. Not entirely wrong because I was getting frustrated with them for different reasons during that time, but there's more to it than that and I don't feel like dealing out all of it.
Regardless, I still have the question of "why have neither of them just talked to me?". Because neither of them have. I only ended up finding out about this because I talked to one of them because I'm in a group project with her. A group project that she has barely been showing up to or communicating about. Which is what I was approaching her about. Turns out shes been pulling away because shes been getting really hateful vibes from me and been uncomfortable in the group because of that. Which. Wow okay cool. That sucks and I feel bad because that's the collateral damage of me having a horrible horrible month mentally. There's a lot to unpack there. But the frustrations of her not communicating with the group are just like. Made worse from that. Cool. Alright.
Generally I've been feeling pretty evil about being around people for the past while. Honestly since the start of the semester. It's off an on, some days are better, some are worse. Some people are better, some are worse. On bad days, the voice of some people is just unbearable and I have to take myself out of the situation if I don't want to feel like committing a murder. And it sucks to feel like you hate your friends for things out of their control. Because I really don't hate my friends, nothing is actually wrong with them- no deplorable behaviour, no real issues- I just can't take being around people sometimes. I just feel evil.
Maybe I need to eat more. That tends to solve problems. Even if food has been kind of evil too.
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