Hello Again, Friend of a Friend

Been a hot minute since I've been here, let's see what you've missed. 

I had my doctors appointment at the beginning. Sat down and told my family doctor everything about how I've been doing. Even wrote a list before going in so I wouldn't forget anything. I'd say it went well. I think the fact I cried the whole way through helped my case. I'm now on antidepressants to tide me over while I wait to see a psychiatrist. My psychiatry intake call is later today. Turns out being suicidal does speed up that wait time a little bit (I was told it would take 1-6 months to hear back from the psychiatrist).

When the doctor said it would "Get worse before it gets better" on antidepressants, nothing prepared me for just how Bad it would get. My anxiety had never been worse in my life. I'm taking below the lowest dose. It was Rough. I'm on my second week on these meds now, and the anxiety has pretty much evened out but I think the depression is amplified a little bit. Getting up in the morning is still as hard as ever, but at least I'm no longer nauseous. Headaches are really consistent for me though.  

Performed at my cousins debut! I'm pissed that I completely fucked up my little solo bit on Beaches (read, didn't play it because I fucked up the first phrase and then spent the next 4 bars finding where to rejoin), but I survived! The party was a good time, its always fun seeing my cousins, and it was also fun getting to bring my guitar roommate along (longer story). 

Crush is as bad as its been (see the previous 2 posts from this month). I've survived a handful of conversations with my roommates and friends (including the crush in question) giving me advice on how to do hook-ups. I'm so glad I cannot visibly blush. I have promised my chill roommate that I will go out to the gay bar shes been frequenting once my classes are over. It gives me a reason to survive this month. 

My CD collecting is as fervent as ever. I should probably calm down on it, but it turns out doing bleh mentally doesn't translate to great financial decisions. I'll prolly show that off soon. 

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It took me so long to finish writing this that I actually did actually have my psych intake call. It went pretty well I think. I was locked the fuck in to be able to understand the guys voice since calls are kinda rough for me to process. I might have to go through more hoops if I want a proper ADHD help, but I'll at least be able to get assessed when I get referred to the clinic. 

Doing work is still as rough as ever, I feel pretty avoidant of it overall but at least I can start on it. Kind of. which is better than nothing. 

Just gotta keep going.