Latest news on the crush saga: 2 of my roommates now know my plight!
It turns out that months ago when I had told my roommates, they've (Choir and Cool) been trying to figure out who it is out of sheer curiosity. I found it really funny.
We ended up debriefing together- I explained my whole timeline while they told me everything they had tried to figure it out, including asking me questions about my type weeks ago for evidence to narrow down the pool. Like seriously I cannot understate, they were going fucking insane about it. It was hilarious to me.
Anyways feels befitting that the day after that is the day I feel fucking delusional. I'm about to get embarrassing on main but if not here, then where else? Anyways. So. Crush visits, we're hanging in the living room, its chill. Another one of my roommates is down there with her laptop out, we're talking D&D, its wonderful. After like hours of chilling, some actual work being done, I make food (a plate of small baked potatoes), get through 2 bites, sit back down.
We're sitting next to each other because again, chill. She's clearly been getting sleepy and has been curled up to nap, doing the "resting your head in a way that you can still look at the TV" kinda thing. Once I settle back into the couch after putting my plate down, she resettles and her head is ON. MY. SHOULDER. FUCK! I'm not even kidding I'm smiling so fucking wide and hoping my roommate that's sitting across from me doesn't look up from her laptop. I'm not even kidding any hunger I had in that moment resolved. It's like when a cat settles on you. You're not allowed to move anymore. You just aren't. I'm so afraid if I shift wrong she's gonna move off me.
And I'm right, I shift a little and her head is back up checking her phone. It's fine. It's fine. I get a couple more bites of food in. It's chill. I settle back down. SHE SETTLES BACK INTO ME. I'm putting a new video on the TV as I'm holding back from actively texting my best friend about this. I'm so glad my phone was out of reach. I hear one of my roommates that know enter. I'm pretending to be asleep so I can avoid making eye contact with her in case she shoots me a look.
I know this probably doesn't mean anything. We're just hit a new level of comfort now. I've been curling into her like a cat since before I realized I had this stupid fucking crush. It makes sense. She probably still thinks I'm entirely aromantic. It's fine. I can now lean into her and just steal her laptop to make proper edits, its lovely. We've moved on to mutual platonic cuddling and now I get to feel horrid about feeling more than platonic. Its fine. It's dandy. She said shes probably gonna visit tomorrow too. It's fineeeeee.
I'm trying to ride out the joys and the highs before it inevitably comes crashing down. I told the roommates that Know now that if I get some kind of confirmation that we're just. Not compatible. in Some way, I can probably put my feelings away. And I think that's true. But right now, my heart just keeps clinging onto hope. My heads going haywire with fantasies. Truly I'm feeling pathetic about it all.
Be still my beating heart.
Lesbian night with the roommates that Know after this month is gonna go insane. Gotta get this outta my system.
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